the anxious nudist

anxiety symptoms, attack and disorders can get the better of us all; there's no two ways about it. sometimes, though, when it gets the better of you, you go to the urgent care believing to have a cardiac event. sometimes, you forget to take your medication in the morning and put yourself knowingly in a situation that will cause great anxiety. sometimes you know these things, but you don't care and believe that you're having a heart attack. even though deep down you know it isn't that. but you don't let on until after you get what you want. anxiety disorders are a real thing and can be debilitating.

so in comes our 20-something patient, clearly either on some kind of psychedelic, hallucinogen or having a severe anxiety attack. she's 'rushed' to the back under the complaint of severe chest pain and shortness of breath. the typical 'i know how to get seen without waiting' mantra at urgent care centers. brought to the room and seated on the exam table it's evident there's definitely SOMETHING going on, but what? was she high, jonseing, withdrawing, having an actual heart attack, panic attack? dilated pupils, sweating, a heart rate of 130bpm and sweating profusely. this average height and weight person was going through it. her list of medications was as long as her speed of talking. all mental health controlling substances. the picture starts to get clearer.

anxiety kicks in

after explaining the situation to the provider, it's agreed this is her anxiety disorder, not cardiac but the magic words were said. the wish must be fulfilled. an ekg is ordered. upon telling the patient we would be doing an ekg, she would need to remove all clothing above her waist, including bra if it had an underwire. standard procedure, metal will interfere with ekg results. the patient is told to put on the paper gown with the opening to the front. what happened next was nothing short of pure comedic gold. two minutes later, this patient walks out in to the hallway, completely naked with the gown open to the front, everything on view. she stood there, still sweating and jittery, looking around. everyone has looked up at this point and as one of the female scribes gets up to run over to her. 'i'm ready for my ekg, i hope it's ok i shaved my pubic hair in the room, i didn't want it to interfere' she said with a smile. the female scribe nearly dropped instantly as now everyone staring has begun to shift to a look of surprise, shock and laughter.

the nudist was born

'ma'am, please go back in the room,' as the scribe tries to get the patient back in the exam room. 'i know they said waist up only, but i don't want to take any chances! besides, i'm not ashamed of anything.' needless to say, the ekg confirmed the apparent, a tachycardic normal rhythm. as she leaves, she stops at the scribe station, 'i cleaned up all my pubic hair; it's all in the trash, but if some lucky boy wants to go in-' 'ma'am, we appreciate your thoughtfulness, we hope you feel better, please follow up with your primary care doctor about your anxiety disorder.'

the garbage bag was promptly tied off, and thrown in the dumpster. we never saw her again.

you can read up more on anxiety/panic disorders here:

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/anxiety/symptoms-causes/syc-20350961